A Jew’s Life

As usual, it takes something huge to actually motivate me to blog, and I had been moving in that direction for weeks before the events in Pittsburgh shoved me all the way there.

Let’s start with the basics: my brothers and sisters (or in the case of many of the victims, zaidys and bubbies) were murdered, in shul, for the crime of being Jewish. They were murdered like the 6 million. They were targeted like Jews were murdered in Russia, Spain, England and on and on for literally thousands of years.

They were murdered like the Jews in Paris and the Jews in Mumbai. They were murdered like the Jews in Munich and the Jews in Argentina. And for sure they were murdered like the Jews in Har Nof and Sderot and Tel Aviv. A Jew is a Jew to those who hate us, and if you want to spend your time quibbling about embassies and settlements and right and left, kindly show yourself the door, because I’m tired.

I believe in semantics, the words people use. When I go back to the USA to visit and people say “oh, you’re going home?” I say “no, I am home. I’m going to see my family.” And they roll their eyes and mumble something about my raging Zionism and we move on. Why do I say that? Because here is home. Here I am not “the other, the (((Jew)))” here I belong.

I lived in America my whole life and loved it. My house has an American flag, I scream-sing the National anthem at baseball games, aggressively follow Team USA during international competition and know American history like the back of my hand. My dream vacation destination as a child was colonial Williamsburg.

Why am I mentioning this (other than giving you a glimpse into a weird hyper-patriotic kid?) Because I don’t blame this tragedy on America whatsoever. It’s not Trump’s fault (sorry, but that’s just wishful thinking on the part of those who blame him for the sun coming up.) It’s not the alt-right, or Antifa or the Klan or the Nation of Islam (although they all really hate Jews, to be fair.) Because Jews are killed everywhere in the world at every point in history, and it would be pretty odd to blame those tragedies on the alt-right, even though the motive is always exactly the same.

A lot of well-meaning people ask “what can we do” to help eradicate anti-Semitism. Certainly ensuring it has no place in government or on campus or in the media is a great start, but there is no way to actually end anti-Semitism. It’s an irrational bigotry- we’re hated because were too religious and too secular, too wealthy and too much on welfare, too educated and too ignorant, too assimilated and too separate, too left-wing and too right-wing. We are whatever it is bigots hate in nation-form, and that’s pretty hard to eradicate- or at least it hasn’t been done in over 3,000 years.

Which brings me to my final point. The last acceptable anti-Semitism is also known as anti-Zionism (I’m lookin’ at you, Jews and non-Jews alike.) This tragedy happened in Pittsburgh to a conservative synagogue and you still hear people blaming the embassy move and Gaza. And if that makes you feel better, if it makes you feel safer and absolved of guilt, you enjoy that. But Israel wasn’t just not a factor in this tragedy, it is the only known defense the Jewish people have against a world gone mad. Most Jews know it, our enemies know it and jeez Louise, anti Zionist Jews, you better get to know it too!

It is the main difference between the Jews of 1933 and the Jews of 2018- a strong country with a strong government and a strong army. And you can call us a country of land-thieves with a hawkish government and a brutal army until the cows come home- but we are the main factor in this entire world ensuring “Never Again” is a reality.

So while I hope that the Jews of America are safe in the “goldene medina” for as long as they want to stay there (and that includes the people I love most in this entire world) we must always remember that we are one nation, with one heart and only one homeland to call our own. Come for a visit or come to stay, but come Home soon.

And to the families and friends of the victims of this tragedy,
"May God comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."

Hello from Jordana in Jerusalem (, Israel!)

Depending on whom you ask, what happened yesterday was either the greatest thing ever, the worst catastrophe since Hiroshima, or no big deal. Reactions range from "Trump is the messiah" to "This is going to cause untold danger for you" to "Okay, so what?" To the first person I say, "Relax, bro. Appreciate the good vibes, but he most certainly is not." To the second I say, "thanks for your sudden concern for my personal safety! Where was this concern during the last knife intifada?" And to the third response, I say, "Perk up, buddy! This is great!" And here are the top 5 reasons I think so:

Some think this is cheesy. Luckily, I love cheese.

1. Pragmatics- I was just talking to a pregnant friend who said, "Finally my baby will have 'Jerusalem, Israel' on his passport. Do you know how much I'm hurt every time some anti-Israel consulate official smirks when he hands me a passport that says 'Jerusalem, nowhere?' Happy that won't happen again!" And it's true! Although this move changes little legally, I know when my future babies are born (please Gd poo poo poo!) they will be from both the city and country they were born, at lease vis a vis their American passports!

2. Ripple Effect- Already the Czech Republic followed suit in recognizing our capital and Hungary and the Philippines want to move their embassies to Jerusalem. This recognition by the United States, like everything else they do, gives other counties the strength, cover and precedence to do the right thing. Can't wait for the day when we learn in the history books about that crazy time when Jerusalem wasn't considered the capital of Israel!

3. Legitimacy- Enough arguing with leftists over "status of Jerusalem." By nature, arguing with true leftists is a fruitless endeavor (don't think I'm blind to the fact that them arguing with me is almost as fruitless.) But it's always nice to have this moment, this little legal feather in my cap. And as much as they insist that Trump isn't their president (hi guys, Obama was mine and as you may remember, I wasn't a fan. And yes I know, you really hate Trump a lot) he is officially the president, he let the waiver lapse, and ultimately, the law passed in 1995 (under President Bill Clinton) will be implemented. In short, a law that was put on hold for over 20 years is now going to be implemented. So that's awesome.

4. Return to sanity- Jerusalem as capital is reality. When I was little, as a native New Yorker, it bothered me that small-town Albany, and not New York City was the capital of New York. It annoyed me that Washington DC, a city from no state, was the capital of the USA. I was 10.  But it didn't change the fact that Albany was the capital of NY and D.C. was the capital of America. So it's great for America to get on board with the facts. Wikipedia knows it. Siri knows it. Google knows it. Weather.com knows it. Now we all know it.

5. Shows us where we all really stand- Like I mentioned before, while I can appreciate people suddenly caring so much about my safety and well-being, you actually really don't. This whole situation is showing me that people believe we should give into bullies, kowtow to terrorists, and put the anger of our enemies before the fulfillment of our own people. A friend wrote on Facebook that the international condemnation of this move highlights the real racism. It is a "racism of low expectations." It is expecting, rightfully, that anything done that does not adhere to treating the Palestinians with kid gloves will be met with death and destruction. And somehow, that's okay with them. It's bizarre. 

I've been hearing a lot about this not being the "right time." I would like to know when that time will be. Can anyone reading this tell me a time in the near (or distant) future, when the enemies of Israel will be open to this move? At what magical future time will Jordan, Turkey and Abbas all say, "You know what? It's really time to recognize Jerusalem- call off the rage!" That time ain't coming, kids, so let's let this be the time.

And for you sweet souls who believe this outrageous move put an end to "any hope for a real peace agreement"? Please message me privately, I have a huge bridge I'd like to sell you! 

Okay, so I have to get back to my job, here in Jerusalem, Israel. If you need me after 6, I'll be at my apartment in Jerusalem, Israel. And if you want to send me a letter, please send it straight to Jordana in Jerusalem, ISRAEL. K, I'm done!

G-d bless you and G-d bless Jerusalem, Israel.

One Last Blow Before I Go

Even though the UN is entirely useless, run by dictators and human-rights abusers and holds no credibility with anyone with a functioning brain, it exists, it's in the newspapers and it shuts down all of New York City for a few weeks a year. It's an international joke that has gone on too long and whose only recognizable function at this point is to pass umpteen resolutions demonizing the Jews. Oops, I mean Israel.

If you don't care about Israel, or it's just not on your radar (but then, how did you get to this blog? I digress) the UN is a benign and impressive building with a bunch of colorfully dressed dignitaries who have cars they can park anywhere. They function away from your eyes, don't accomplish much and really don't affect your life in any way. You might visit the building on a class trip or read an article mentioning that they are having their yearly sessions that week. But if you are Israeli or a supporter of Israel, you know that they do have one other very important function. They are there to ruin the international reputation of your homeland. They convene once a year to collectively and decisively condemn every aspect of your beautiful, democratic country- repeatedly. Every. Single. Year.
But why Israel? You might ask. If you are one of Israel's many detractors you may think "sure, cite Israel along with Saudi Arabia, Syria, Sudan and all those other human rights abusers." The problem with that thinking is that you don't hate Jews and Israel enough! If you were truly like the members of the UN, you would realize that Israel is the perfect scapegoat for all the world's problems. You would appreciate the vile dictators and disgusting countries that make up the human rights councils and security councils and education councils, whose sole purpose is to come up with new and exciting ways to call Israel "the worst." These countries calling Israel "the worst," it should be noted, are largely Arab or Arab-majority, human-rights abusing, non-western, oppressive, violent and anti-Semitic regimes who, through oil money and intimidation, have come to run this farce of an organization.


This is one year alone!

Perhaps the UN started with the best of intentions, but it has devolved into an anti-Semitic cesspool where the patients are running the asylum (I'm really fired up, forgive me.) So why do I even care what happens there, you might ask. Generally, I don't. Usually, I can laugh at the rantings of Arab dictators at the plenum, and roll my eyes at the unending stream of condemnations of Israel, blaming us for everything from environmental ills (Israel is one of the greenest countries on earth) to women's rights abuses (Israel is the only liberal democracy in the entire Middle East.) Plus, Israel generally has the support of the western world (specifically the US) at the UN so it curbs any real damage. Except for when things like what happened yesterday occur. Except when things like my former president (I still hold American citizenship but take pride in this man no longer being my head of state) Barack Obama decided to aim one last parting shot at the country for which he holds such disdain. 

"Israel must recognize that it cannot permanently occupy and settle Palestinian land."

In his final address to the UN and the world, as he has done for the last 8 years, he blamed Israel for the lack of peace while cushioning it with a plea for Palestinians to stop inciting their citizens to murder Jews, so as not to completely upset his liberal Jewish fan base. In that one sentence, he disregarded all offers for peace short of national suicide and gave Israel's detractors, enemies and terrorizers another weapon in their arsenal. "See?" Israel's enemies say "Even the president of your best friend America, even the country with the most Jews outside Israel, even the most powerful democracy on earth thinks you are occupiers, colonizers, thieves." They will continue to call our legitimacy into question, to ignore our indigenous rights, and to extend their fallacious narrative but now with a one-sentence soundbite from the leader of the free world. Just Google his speech and "Israel" and that quote is in the sub headline of every article. Not the part about Palestinian incitement. Not the part about the Palestinians needing to recognize the legitimacy of Israel. He said those things, but you'll have to read the whole article to find them, and most probably won't. 

The reverberations are not hard to predict. The BDS movement will place this statement on their literature and placards. The UN will continue to do what they do, but without the conscience of the pesky US to tell them what they're doing is wrong, and the entire world will become a more dangerous place for the Jews. Because, as you should know by now, Israel is a proxy for the Jews. Even if you are a Jew that hates Israel (and, by the way, if you are- yuck) that man in Ireland, Africa, Abu Dhabi hears "Jew" and thinks "Israel" and vice versa. So Obama telling the world that Jews in Israel are permanently occupying Palestinian land, when actually they are living in their native homeland (like they have for 3,000 years) isn't just wrong- it's dangerous. It is not surprising, given Obama's clear disgust for Israel (if you are shaking your head in disagreement, please let's revisit this topic in 20 years when he is hawking anti-Israel diatribes like a modern-day Jimmy Carter.)

As you know, I always like to leave on a hopeful note, so let me try and turn this around. Obama will be leaving office in around 120 days. For me, that's wonderful. But his legacy (which my liberal friends love and I despise) remains. And he is leaving the country in the hands of either Hillary (more of the same, especially when it comes to Israel, sadly) or Trump (the definition of the phrase "Oy vey") so I can't even look forward to his exit the way I planned! So I will say this: Israel was here before the UN and will be here long after. The children of Israel have suffered pogroms and libels, expulsions and genocide- they will continue to survive. And because we as a nation have a strong, just and beautiful country of our own, we will also thrive. Because, as you know, Am Yisrael Chai.

The Sweetest Bronze

         Happy Olympics everyone! As a sports enthusiast (most notably a lifelong Yankee fan, played first base in synagogue little league and former Rosh Sport one month one summer at Camp Moshava, Wild Rose) I am super excited about the Olympics! Once every four years, (don't give me that "Winter Olympics" nonsense- if it's not figure skating or my bizarre addiction to curling, I'm not that interested) you can put politics and regional squabbles aside, and the whole country rallies around "their team." And for my whole life, that was Team USA. This is the first year, while tangentially following and rooting for the Americans, I am actively cheering for a new country- Team Israel!

It says MY country!!!

          Rooting for Team Israel after being an American fan for many years is like rooting for the underdog of all underdogs, after rooting for the 10-time world champions your whole life. There is an edge to it, an urgency, that I've never felt. When you root for Team USA, you root for the top of the medal count, when you root for Team Israel, you root for a medal. See, Team Israel has won single-digit medals in its history. We have yet to win more than 10 medals! But does that dampen my excitement? No way!
          This year, Team Israel sent its largest-ever delegation- 47 Olympians! Team USA has 554, and I'm no mathematician, but that seems to give Team Israel a much smaller opportunity to bring one home. We also compete in competitions I would have never thought to follow. Long gone are the days of screaming for the Dream Team in basketball and the Fab 5 in women's gymnastics. Now I'm all about rhythmic gymnastics, windsurfing and judo! Did I have to google "what is judo?" Maybe. But now that I know, I'm all in! 
           The big story is how the Arab world is treating Israeli Olympians. It is a big story to people who are not me, because I am a right-wing extremist who doesn't feign outrage when the Arab world insults and derides Jews. But that's just me. Am I disgusted that Lebanese athletes tried to block Israelis from boarding a bus back from training? Of course! Am I surprised? Nope. Am I horrified that a Saudi judo athlete has apparently taken herself out of competition in order to avoid an Israeli competitor? Quite the contrary! If they want to show the world that they don't care about fulfilling lifelong dreams all in the name of bigotry- go for it! And a forfeit is a win for the Israelis, so let 'em all forfeit, for all I care! That's one step closer to the gold!
            This is not to say I'm not super- proud of Team USA. They are killing it out there, and I am as obsessed with my Jewish-gymnast sister Aly Raisman as can be! I love that they are leading the world, bringing a politically- fractured country together for just a little bit, and representing my second-favorite country so beautifully.
                 But for now, I cheer on my blue-and-white clad countrymen, follow the local news with anticipation and take intense pride in the newest Israeli medalist, Yarden Gerbi (name twins!) I put in an extra little prayer for another medal or 2 (hey, can't hurt) and yes, check out Team USA on top of the medal count with a flutter of pride. Because you can cheer on your two countries, you know. Just as long as if they ever compete head-to-head, you take a stand. And my stand will always be Yalla Yisrael!